Significant life event

Sorry, but this is going to be a long thought process…

August 28, 2016 one of the important life events that a lot of people make a big deal happened to me. I lost my virginity. I’m 21 so I don’t know if my age of when I lost it had anything to do with the way I felt about it vs. most girls who lose it while still in their teens (not judging, just saying). At the time that it happened I was happy with who it was with and felt great because it had finally happened let alone the person that it happened with. FYI he lost his virginity too that night. But he wanted to just stay friends with benefits, and I went along with it because I thought I could handle the whole no strings attached thing. I was wrong I couldn’t. I wasn’t emotionally stable enough to deal with it. So I cut him off, told him I was talking to someone else and wanted to see where it goes since he wanted the same things I did out of life. And the fwb guy was okay with it, said it was fine. Now the guy I was talking to, we’re dating and it’s getting pretty serious. Like marriage and kids serious, and to tell you the truth I couldn’t be happier. But now I regret my first time which is something I’d never thought I’d do. I regret it because looking back on it, it just felt like a business deal. There was also no foreplay, and he kept his chew in the entire time. And it wasn’t slow, or really all that gentle in a sense either. It definitely was not the way I had always pictured my first time being. It just makes me think, why didn’t I wait a little longer? What was the rush? Or was I just that naive thinking that if I gave this guy sex maybe he’ll actually go out with me?

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