in december i wrote about wanting to change- but i never did, its only gotten worse, the urge inside me on christmas i was left with 15 bodies, its june 14, now i have 21. i also dated a boy for 3 months, so how did i get 6 more bodies in 3 months? and i didn’t even realize how many or how fast it was, i mean i am only 16.
After liv took her own life a little over a year ago, I’ve been try, searching for answers. and i found them in god. But i only believed in him for my own selfish reasons, knowing that he could keep her safe if there was a heaven. that she was watching over me- so i went to church for a few months. And decided to wear the cross my grandma had given me so long ago.
But i feel hopeless. i know god can forgive me of my sins, and i ask him to, and he did.but how many times can he forgive me if i keep making the same mistakes, it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about all the times I’ve begged him to forgive me, so this is it i guess, I’m giving up on him, he’s done all he can do for me. i have to do this on my own
i finally open’d up about my addiction to my therapist and she gave me a worksheet to do.
i don’t want to continue living this way but i don’t know how to stop