is redemption possible

 in december i wrote about wanting to change- but i never did, its only gotten worse, the urge inside me on christmas i was left with 15 bodies, its june 14, now i have 21. i also dated a boy for 3 months, so how did i get 6 more bodies in 3 months? and i didn’t even realize how many or how fast it was, i mean i am only 16.

After liv took her own life a little over a year ago, I’ve been try, searching for answers. and i found them in god. But i only believed in him for my own selfish reasons, knowing that he could keep her safe if there was a heaven. that she was watching over me- so i went to church for a few months. And decided to wear the cross my grandma had given me so long ago.

But i feel hopeless. i know god can forgive me of my sins, and i ask him to, and he did.but how many times can he forgive me if i keep making the same mistakes, it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about all the times I’ve begged him to forgive me, so this is it i guess, I’m giving up on him, he’s done all he can do for me. i have to do this on my own

i finally open’d up about my addiction to my therapist and she gave me a worksheet to do.

i don’t want to continue living this way but i don’t know how to stop

2 thoughts on “is redemption possible”

  1. You are very interesting to me. It is very hard to resist the urge of wanting to do whatever the addiction is, but if you really want to change, you must really work towards it. Whether that means staying away from boys and focusing on yourself or finding something else to distract you. I would maybe recommend some change in your life. Find a new hobby, new friends, or maybe a new place to settle or hang out. I believe in you, I know you can make the change you want to be. It is very hard staying away from your addiction, but you never know, you may enjoy the outcome. You can do this. Stay motivated to quit and maybe get closer to your therapist, if you think she’s helping. Writing it out definitely helps, because it’s physical and mental, so if it helps you, keep writing about your progress on here! I would love to read updates about you <3

  2. I am back yet again with another comment. I once read somewhere recently that we compare God to a human. When we wrong a person, they will forgive. When you keep wronging that person, they eventually will give up on forgiving. But, God isn’t a human. God never gets tired of forgiving.
    I don’t know if that will affect or change your thoughts, but it has helped me. Maybe you can clutch onto that.

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