Today is Day number 7!! I can’t say that I’m at 100% but I can admit that I’m maybe at 65% in clarity of my mind! The irrational thoughts have diminished! The negative thoughts and depression have slowed. I feel much more positive, but I still have a way to go! I’m getting there and that brings on some happiness!
I emailed LLS about the books that I ordered for the Boys! I wanted Her to be aware that they’d be arriving. I so much still want to be a part of their lives, even if that part is me having a smaller role!
I’m very much hoping that She’ll let me see them tomorrow. Tomorrow is Father’s Day! I emailed LLS about a possible visit. I’m not surprised that I haven’t received a response and I wouldn’t hold it against Her if She didn’t meat me. I did a lot of shitty things even after the events that led up to me no longer being at Home with Her and the boys! I’m not proud, but I have to admit that I was crazy and irrational! I did some stupid shit!
It was in part to me continuing to drink for the few days after and also in part to my brain still having cravings as well as my body detoxing. However, I really acted like a needy, insecure person. But that’s how I felt with all that was happening and with the changes happening in my body and mind from quitting the Alcohol.
Over all today has been much better! I’m not so much thinking of myself and about how I feel. My mind in starting to function a bit better. I still have some cravings, but I definitely feel that things are getting better!
Ive been impatient though! I want to fix things and I want to be forgiven! Hopefully in time. Boy, it would be great to see LLS and The Boys tomorrow. It would really be awesome. But I understand more now about where She’s coming from.
I can’t seem to control myself from emailing! It’s not out of disrespect for Her, it’s just that I’m impatient! I have to definitely work on that!