I forgot about this place mostly because I forgot to bookmark it. But, now I have it bookmarked, so my only excuse will be that I’m just too lazy to try and write.
Quick side note: Why must I change my font every time I start a new paragraph? Get it together. Shit.
Again with the having to change back to my original font I wanted. OK, so where was I when I wrote last? Oh yes, a big mess of rambling with the “I hate my job and my work area” proverbial icing on the cake. Well, nothing has changed on that front. For my own sanity, as it turns out, I had time off forecasted for the last two weeks and it happened to come up at a very opportune time.
I finally snapped. Nothing dangerous or to the extent I ever thought of hurting someone snapped, just, the perfect storm of being fed up with someone, and they did something I have asked them not to do before. And, they did it again and I just snapped at them. I yelled, I pointed, and I cursed…and I felt so good about it all.
For the last three years I have been here, and especially the last two I have worked specifically where I worked, I have never ran into a group of more incompetent people that are supposed to be professionals and do this kind of thing for a living. For probably decades they have never had any kind of accountability for what they have been doing and it shows day in and day out. I have a scheming “chief” who has been more preoccupied with making rank in his career, and resting on laurels in order to get the previous chief fired than learning what it actually means to be a leader, that the work place suffers since he is now in charge.
“It’s my work area, I’ll do what I want” is a direct quote from said individual. It’s truly inspiring. It makes me want to be better at what I do because it means so much to hear that. Fuck off you backstabbing piece of shit…..
I digress. Or at the very least I need to not talk about this subject because my blood acts like it is 80K feet high. (it boils. your blood will boil at 80k feet. *cue NBC ‘The More You Know’ music*) So, for the last two weeks I have been off work. It is during this time you’re supposed to get some R&R, and come back to work refreshed…and I have before while working here. But, unhealthily, over these last two weeks, there has not been a day that has gone by that I have not thought about some asinine situation that has gone on while I have been here that I cannot relax because of it. I cannot escape from underneath this figurative cloud of perpetual misery that I feel any time work crosses my mind.
“Don’t think about work.”
Oh, don’t think about work you say? Why didn’t I think of that? Of course I have tried not thinking about work, but that shit just creeps into my mind from nowhere.
I…I’m just not OK here. I never will be. I’m not gone, I’m just not OK.