Friends.

Today just isn’t a good day. I guess I’ve just realized the type of person I am. I’m pretty clingy to be honest. I rely on my friends  a bit more than I should when it comes to venting about how I feel or issues. The issues really do have a solution, just not a solution easy to come by or one that can happen right at the moment.

I really thought of investing in a therapist, but that’s way too embarrassing. I just want someone I can talk to when I’m feeling down instead of just my friends. I feel like such a burden to them to be honest. Especially now with summer here, I have more time to think and that’s not always good for someone like me.

Investing in a regular therapist would cost not only money, but my parents vision of our family. I don’t want to embarrass them or make them feel like they don’t do enough. On days when I’m usually sad or not feeling my best, when someone finds out(my parents), then my mother always asks why. Why when I have nothing to be sad for? I do have something to be sad for, and even on days when I don’t, it doesn’t mean that I still can’t have my emotional days.Anyways, I’ve been this way since I was nine, so I doubt anything will change much. Depression and mental issues run in the family as it is.

A part of me feels like I’ve slipped back into this hole that I was able to get out of with the help of my friends. He’s changed though, and I don’t expect any of my other friends to cater to my emotional issues or my venting.

It’s not anyone’s job but my own to take responsibility for any issue I’m having and to find some way to manage it if I can’t solve it. I’m not very clingy at the moment, but at times I vent way too much to a few of my friends. I really adore them a bit too much, so I don’t want to ever become a burden or something they wish would just leave. I don’t want to be that type of friend. I also don’t want to pity myself. I just want to learn to manage a bit more, if I can’t fix my problems.

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