Today is Father’s Day!! I was unrealistically hoping that although some bad things took place, that LLS would let me see the Boys. It was a rough Day! I was unable to see my The Boys and I was unable to see my biological Son (He had to work).
I can’t hold anything against LLS. Her actions are justified! Not just with what took place after I decided to drink at Her Parents house, but between my drinking a few days after to “cope” and between the other crazy ways that I reacted through the detox phase.
I’m not even sure if I’m fully detoxed! All I know is I feel like I’m looking at things through a different set of eyes! I feel more clear in my mind than I did yesterday!
I’ve been researching a lot about alcoholism, quitting, detoxing, clarity and etc. I’d say that what changes that I’ve been going through are pretty normal for someone in “recovery,”
I still feel like I had someone to talk to that understands with what I’m dealing with. LLS is probably the only person that I truly trust enough at this point to talk to about this. Therefore I’ve been emailing Her probably too much! I can only imagine how annoying It must be for Her.
Although I was unable to see the Boys today – I feel pretty upbeat! It hasn’t been a cake walk these past 8 days – but I’m certainly feeling better!
I’m starting to feel a bit of pride in myself, although I’m still feeling anger at myself for what I did, how I reacted after the fact and etc. But I feel pretty decent.