Sunday, June 18, 2017
Entry #1: First Day
This shall be a journal for my best friend to read. She is doing the same for me as well. I’m hoping that this will be a great way for us to bond and keep each other motivated throughout our lives.
Jessie and I have known each other since about third grade. I remember the two of us having classes with Mrs. Dean, who would have us write in journals. I was always interested in reading Jessie’s journal entries and I remember asking her to write a story for me on a single piece of paper. She would write stories for her other friends as well, like Jaycie who was our friend at the time. The three of us would always fight, unfortunately. I had trouble making friends as a child, and I cherished the friendship I had with Jessie, so whenever I saw her having a good time with others, I would become jealous…because I didn’t want to lose her. So I guess it was because of me that we three girls couldn’t get along. To this day when I think about it, I wish I hadn’t been such a sensitive crybaby. It’s okay to have more than one good friend. Even now, years later, I still struggle with feelings of jealousy when it comes to having multiple friendships. It’s easy for me to feel left out among a large group, or even a small group, of friends. I feel like I’m unimportant.
I know I mean more to Jessie than I think, but even though I know this…it’s hard to feel special. Sometimes I wish I was popular, but then I think: Nah, it’s nice being a loner. I’d rather feel lonely than having a slew of friend issues to deal with. It’s nice having just one close friend to be with. For me, that friend is Jessie. We both share a passion for writing, so when it comes to us wanting to create something, we can usually put our heads together and come up with marvelous ideas. It’s mostly Jessie who has the brains, though. I just follow along. The two of us are collaborating on writing a book. It’s been an amazing journey so far, and we haven’t even been collaborating for that long. Our dream is to get published. I hope our books become a hit so we can be famous. Then we’ll be rich and I won’t have to have an actual job! I can just sit at home in my office and write books while drinking tea or coffee.
But I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. After all, we’re only seventeen and we haven’t even finished the first book. Hell, we don’t even have three of the first full chapters completed. We joke around and call the third chapter the “forbidden chapter” because we really don’t want to write it. We’ve had ideas for the series cooped up in our heads for years. We just need to write them down and turn them into stories! It gets overwhelming sometimes. Like right now, we’re trying to change up the plot. So that’s going to change nearly everything we’ve written so far. Just thinking about all the changes we need to make causes my head to spin. But that’s part of being an author, right?
Jessie and I have definitely had our ups and downs. There were times where we didn’t talk to each other. Now that we’re so close, it’s saddening to think at one time there was such a massive rift between us. I never want it to happen again. I hope that we will be friends for life. I plan on being there for Jessie for the rest of our days. No more shutting people out. No more selfishness. From now on, I will do my best to be Jessie’s rock. We both have our fair share of problems. It’s one of the things we have in common. Jess has been having a hard time lately and I want to be with her as much as possible so she doesn’t do anything foolish. And by foolish, I mean hurting herself. I care about her so much. I become distressed when I hear about her self-destructive behavior, because I don’t want to lose her. Losing people is one of my biggest fears, whether it be from death or not. I’ve already lost a fair amount of people in my life and I don’t want Jessie to be next.
Yes, I am mainly writing this journal for Jessie, but I’m also writing it for others to read as well. I will be writing personal things about my life, so I hope that won’t be a problem. My life is terribly dull, but I will try to make it as interesting as possible through using big words and powerful descriptions. In the next entry, I will start talking about my life and other meaningless junk. So stay tuned peeps!