Today I ran into my friend’s Dad who has been sober for over 20 years and involved in AA. Tomorrow evening, He’s going to let me tag along with Him to a nearby town where He enjoys attending meetings. It was nice talking to Him about things!
I emailed LLS 7 times today! I’m really not trying to bother Her, but I’m conflicted because I want to get things off of my chest and I trust Her – but on the other hand – I realize that it must be overbearing and annoying for Her.
First of all She’s busy with two little rug rats and secondly She must still be hurt, angry and downright pissed at me. I’d be pissed at me too. I can’t blame Her for that! I did some shitty things.
None of my emails were negative! But, still I can imagine that it’s annoying to Her! I guess that I just want Her to know how sorry that I am for everything. I can’t blame Her for not replying! Hopefully in time.
I miss the Boys terribly today!! They became such a big part of my life and a part of my almost everyday routine. I love those two little Guys more than I can explain. I hope that they know that I didn’t abandon them. I hope that they know that I’d be there if I could! But I also know that I have to keep working on me! I have to concentrate on me too. Hopefully in time I can see them. I miss them awful.
See, I am serious about eliminating alcohol from my life! I wouldn’t be in this situation if it weren’t for the evil ways of alcohol! I simply can’t drink! When I drink, I become a different person and I do and say things that I’d never do sober. So my Sobriety has to be a very large priority.
Other than missing the Boys and missing LLS, I feel good. For obvious reasons the guilt and shame are still there, but I feel as though I’m on the right track. At least I’m hopeful that I’m on the right track!
It’s been a tough 9 days! But it’s slowly getting better! I no longer have cravings as silly as that may sound coming from someone who likes to drink and from someone who has used alcohol so many times to cope with my problems.
As a matter of fact, I feel sick to my stomach when I walk down the beer aisle or when I see a beer. It reminds me of what alcohol has taken from me. It’s kind of depressing, but at the same time it gives me motivation!
More later! Gonna try to sleep!