Lies

6/20

Sabi mo ayaw mo akong masaktan pero araw-araw nasasaktan ako sa mga ginagawa mo. Inunfriend mo na lahat..dinadamay mo lahat. Hindi mo talaga alam yung nakakahiya sa ibang tao, pati work isinali mo saka yung personal. I guess yang tao na talaga yung pinipili mo. Noon matino ka pa kasi siguro nasasabihan pa kita eh pero ngayon it shows na magkaugaling-magkaugali kayo.

I guess you’ve become too comfortable to the point na okay lang na sabihin nila kung ano gusto nila behind my back, and that goes the same for you, you’ve been okay saying stuff about me, stuff that’s not true just to make you a clean person. I always tell you this, one day all the bad things that you do to me and others will eventually catch up with you. You know that for sure and I guess you’re in for the ride. How foolish of you to know it won’t take you to places but you rather want to go with the crazy ride and then suffer the consequences later.

Now you know why I keep my heart hidden all the time. This is the exact same reason why it’s hard to show my feelings. But still I loved you. I loved you when you had nothing and loved you at your worst. We loved each other at our worst but you choose to hurt me with empty promises. Sometimes I question myself if you have really loved me to be able to do every single thing you’re doing right now. I still do have respect for you but I can’t really fathom the things that you do now. You are not the same person I love, but still why do I love you? Is it really possible to unlove you?

You are changing everyday. Change is not the issue here, but your choices. You’ve been asking the same question as to what I will do if you change and look what I am doing for you, being strong and shit. You continue to change ever single day. You are no longer the sweet man who runs to stop me from getting hurt, who makes me want to be a better person, and the boy I loved. 

You said it’s the hardest decision you’ve made but it’s actually so easy for you to go in the wild and let me get hurt without looking back. I don’t believe it’s hard for you. It’s just an excuse to make you look kind, but you are not.

You keep on blaming me for every single thing I did, but truthfully we conquered it all. You are just continually finding faults in my personality just so you can look nice to people whom you think likes you. Eventually they will all get tired of you. When you run out of cards, when you can no longer pay your dues, when all you can do is blame each other, and when the going gets tough, I want you to remember every single good deed I did for you. All the nights we spent just talking things through; all the advices we shared with each other; all the sacrifices; all the goofy things we did; all the happy times you want to forget that happened; all the love i gave you when things were tough; it will all come back to you.

When that happens you will truly realize how much I loved you, how much I cared for you and how deeply I cherished you, when all you did at that time was to focus on my past and my flaws. It never occurred to you just how much you mattered to me. That when I asked for space, I really got to fix everything, and you knew it but you chose to leave me for someone else. That one person you said you knew before, which actually is a mixture of bull and shit. Funny how you can twist and turn the events to the way you want them to be. There will never be a valid reason for your departure except you chose someone temporary for a person who can love you a lifetime and the time after that. The truth is that it was never too late. It simply just shows your ignorance. How you can act all high and mighty when I’m not with you. 

I guess you will never realize until I just let you go. I’m still praying for your soul, for you to somehow look beyond you. Not to get back with me because you’ve hurt me far too much. It’s getting difficult each day and I need to forgive myself before I do forgive you. 

Someday all these things you avoid will keep up with your pace and I want you to regret every single thing you said to me; how you blamed me for your actions and just how you weren’t an ounce remorseful for what you’ve done.

I still do have a long way to go, but at least I started at a humble stage as I don’t hurt people just to get a temporary pass for happiness. I know all my efforts will not be in vain. I know that God will someday vindicate me. Everything will fall in its perfect place, and you just have to be ready for that day. 

Good luck!

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