One if these days I am going to get on here and post some good happy stuff…. It can’t all be bad…. I am so frustrated right now I could just throw up!!! Why can’t people do what they say they are going to do? Randy is supposed to be going to talk to my grandmother and this will decide if we have to move or not, we live in her rent house. He took my car, said he was running down to his buddies house just down the street to pick something up then he would come back here before going over there. It has been idk probably an hour and he is still not back. What is he doing? He does this every time. There is no “right back” when it comes to him.
I am a mother of 2 beautiful, smart girls, Hannah and Lauren. My boyfriend lives here with us and I am completely in love with him. He is 10 years younger than me which fuels my already insure self but it doesn't seem to bother him at all. I have tried to do this online "venting thing" before but I am a huge procrastinator so I never really got in the swing of doing it regularly. I feel like I need some help. Like from strangers. Advice, opinions.... my life is going pretty good these days. I feel very blessed for who and what I have in my life. Yet there is this sence of sadness I feel almost daily. I do have a lot of issues as far as trusting and feeling insecure ect.... I guess because of what I have been through, and no matter how hard I try I cant seem to let that go and keep a fresh open mind for myself and Randy. Or really..... I think I was pretty close but it all kind of fell to pieces when he lied to me the first time (that I know of). And it was a big one. Now on the daily I am catching things and of course some things I am wrong about but mostly right on. I don't want to be right and I don't want to be this person who is constantly doubting what he says or anybody else for that matter. I guess I just don't understand why I ALWAYS get lied to. I told him whatever he does, do not lie to me. And he did. More than once. There are going to be some things that I wish I could say on here but that I can not for reasons of ...... stuff... And by leaving that stuff out no one will truly be able to get the real clear picture of what I am going through, but I will try my best to explain things in the most vague way I can. I love my man and I know he loves me. I love my family and pretty much love my job. Life is good. So I should by happy and enjoy every minute of it that I have left. But I am just not. I have got to get help or get the negative things out of my life in order to be at peace, I think. I want to know what you think.