Today had it’s ups and it had it’s downs. I suppose that even though I’m sober and overall, I feel really great – that life is still going to have it’s ups and it’s downs! I’m content with that!
One thing that I’m realizing is that even my worst day of Sobriety is better than my best day drinking. There’s no hangover, I handle situations better and I don’t wake up wondering what I did and I don’t wake up wondering what I said. That’s a weight lifted off of my back right there!
I ended up staying over at my Buddies house. I emailed LLS last night telling her that I might stop over to see the Boys in this Morning! I told Her that if it was going to be a problem to let me know. She didn’t respond!
Maybe it was wishful thinking, but because She didn’t say “No,” I thought that there wouldn’t be an issue. So, I stopped over and I guess that I made matters worse! She didn’t want to speak to me! I’m not going to hold it against Her though!
LLS was probably expecting me to try to talk Her into taking me back! That wasn’t my intention. I only was hoping to briefly apologize in person, hug the boys, give Her my first chip and as Her to be a part of my support team! Then leave. But She was probably expecting that I was there with other intentions!
The problem is that She’s just not ready! I’m not sure that She ever will be ready! I hope that someday She is! I really feel like now that drinking is eliminated that we could start things over so to speak and end up being 100 times better!
But I can’t force anyone to feel a certain way, I can’t force forgiveness and I can’t control it. What will happen will happen. Hope for the best but expect the Worst. -I did get to hug the Boys though! That was great! I miss them!
Other than that, it was a great Day! I went with My Parents to a different campsite to spend time with and eat dinner with some extended family! I thought that I’d be bummed out over how the Morning went, but I had a great time!
I’m learning to react to things so much better! I think it’s the clarity! I don’t know what it is, but I enjoy it! It’s been nice!
It’s not even just the clarity – it’s feeling healthy because I’m not putting a poison into my body! Plus, I am learning SO much! It’s just nice to feel “Normal” again!