I often think about people who are no good for me.
Boys, my mother, ex-best friends…
It really sucks.
It drags down my mood. Brings me nostalgia and lingers with pain. Maybe it’s because I think too much, and it really just fucking sucks.
Although, sometimes I like the feeling it brings me. Sometimes I like the sadness. Sometimes I like the ache my heart feels. It makes me feel…human. I’ve always secretly been in love with the sadness that consumes my mind. It’s the only thing that’s never really left me. It keeps me company when I’m alone. I always allow it to be there, until it gets too intense. Then, I try to shut it out, but it never leaves until the morning.
Right now, I am appreciating it. It’s kind of sick and twisted that I like it, but I can’t help it. It’s bittersweet. I’ve always been a “deep” person–I love diving into my thoughts and exploring the tough areas, so that’s the sweet side. Although, sometimes those thoughts are ugly and cruel, so it becomes bitter. It’s an on-going cycle.
This is probably the shortest entry I’ve written, but my mind is too cluttered for me to write any more about this topic.
Maybe I’ll write later tonight.
Song of the entry: In The Morning – Keaton Henson