Day 1 – First Journal Entry

For the sake of privacy all names used will be changed and different from the correct names of the people.

Just before we start I’d like to give a brief introduction, I am a 20 year old male student living in the UK, had social anxiety disorder for nearly all of my life and I felt like writing a diary/journal about each day of my life from now on (as long as i remember) to share online anonymously and if anyone does read it maybe get advice or their point of view on certain situations seeing as i don’t have the courage to share them with anyone in my life (yes that even means my family and close friends). In the very very unlikely scenario that someone recognises me from the nickname I’d like to think they would keep it anonymous for others 🙂

Now that’s out of the way i can start the first journal entry, each entry being each day that passes starting from the 26/06/2017 which is the day at which i am currently typing this. I will basically be giving a run down of the day and writing down any particular parts that I’d like to share in greater detail.

I’m currently working at the local movie theatre over the summer and shifts wont be picking up pace really until the kids finish school so i’t may seem like at the moment i have a lot of free time on my hands.

Today started off pretty average for me, I didn’t have work today so I didn’t have to set an alarm to get up to which is always great, for a bit of quick background knowledge, I currently use the popular dating app Tinder, sad to some but used by most really, I pretty much go on it every day when i go out and hope to find matches really. This is one of the points from today I felt like i needed to get out.

I matched with this girl a few days ago and we had been speaking pretty frequently and when i got up at about 11 ish we started another nice conversation which pretty much lasted throughout the day even while i was at the gym between 1 and 2. The conversation was very back and forth and she was even mentioning things to do with us being together out and about which I presume is a good thing?

The conversation on tinder lasted until about 4 in the evening to which she asked me for my number and we started exchanging messages vie text instead.  This continued to go very smoothly and she was even sending me videos of her from uni when she was drunk and doing funny things. This is where it seemingly went wrong, now usually in person I find it very hard to maintain conversations with people, especially girls if I am not good friends with the person so in general I’m personally not fully sure on what others may consider too forward or the opposite.

So we was on the subject of what we are like when we are dunk or a bit tipsy and she was saying how she gets a wonk eye when she is drunk, I was asking what she meant so she sent me a picture of her face when it happens and a message saying “what do you think”  and personally to me I couldn’t tell the difference but here’s the catch, I half jokingly and half seriously replied “all I see is a beautiful face” with the love face emoji (we had been using it the past few days so seemed appropriate).

I thought that was a nice way to compliment her and take her mind of her insecurity of the wonk eye and also use a word that isn’t deemed as an empty adjective to compliment her. This was however the last message I have sent to her and she hasn’t replied since. Now I’m guessing it’s pretty obvious that she thought this was way too forward for her as I can see that she has seen the message and has also logged onto whats app since then.

Now i’m not sure if this is just me being dense and not knowing the “dating/chat up” rules and beautiful is just a word to stay clear of but she clearly thought this and I personally thought it was strange that she could be feeling the big need to find a partner by using tinder but then blow off a guy she was previously clearly interested in from the days of messaging because he gave her a compliment using the word “beautiful”. Like i said I guess this is just me being me and not knowing it was too forward or something but I thought a compliment like that is something a girl would like to hear, showing my affection, but apparently not. 

I just felt like it was something I needed to say, even if no one is going to read this which is probably going to be the case, I just wanted the chance to maybe get some comments from others on the matter and if it is just me being too forward. Other than this though that has basically been the extent of my day, waking up and showering, going to the gym and coming back to watch tv and play some video games really.

I’m gonna leave it here for the day and will hopefully return tomorrow with the review of the day. 

 

2 thoughts on “Day 1 – First Journal Entry”

  1. I’m puzzled. I don’t understand why she didn’t like being called “beautiful”… Call any girl in the U.S beautiful and she’ll feel on top of the world.

  2. Well, I also didn’t get the reason she didn’t like it. I think that the best part of Tinder is that you can say almost whatever and there is no problem -in the worst posibility you just won’t see the person in your life. Maybe you should ask her what is wrong. Just to take this out of your mind.

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