Life’s Choices

Yet again I find myself on a couch by myself because the person that would normally be at the end is MIA by choice. Why do I keep falling into the same trap of “stupid”? I swear I believe I’m doomed when it comes to moving forward with my life since I ALLOW things to hinder me. I don’t know if I am subconsciously making these choices or they are falling in my way for temptation. Either way I go nowhere but down. For years now I feel like I’ve been stuck in a hole that SOMETIMES I can see the top and 75% of the time it is non-existent. What am I doing wrong in life for me to be where I am? I wonder if I am destined to be with these people to help them and fix them, or to help me except myself by noticing others flaws. If the second situation is the life truth then that would mean I would need to actually accept their flaws which I can’t. I don’t know if that means I will never accept me or I will never accept others. The hardest part of this all is I know I should just move on from it all but never do, this decision will always lead right back here, in front of a journal, battling with my “other me”! Maybe this is my karma from when I was younger catching up to me. Problem with that…I expected and accepted it years ago, and now that it’s happening I have no clue on how to begin to handle or work with. “When life hands you lemons….well I hate lemons and therefore hate lemonade!”

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