Monday June 26th

I went to a boxing class today and it kicked my ass. I was not at all in shape enough for it. I could do the running, but the burpees and other shit, uh nope. I will do it again, though. I will go back- it wasn’t fun like the rowing was, though. I have tai chi on Thursday, a martial arts class on Friday and rowing again on Saturday. I am starving right now. I ate 2 hot dogs around 4-430, and I haven’t eaten anything else. I have got to get my eating in line. I eat terrible. I will work on the eating over the summer. I want to stop the diet coke. It is all chemicals and I don’t need it. I do want to get in shape and I’d like to be able to fight like Daredevil. Not actually fight, just be able to do all that shit. haha

I really think I have the seasonal depression disorder. I feel so much better depression-wise. I know my circumstances are somewhat better, but nothing life changingly better- I am still alone, etc. 

I will continue to work on me- making myself better and if I find someone I do. It’s been so long for me- so long since I’ve had a relationship I barely remember what it’s like. I watch couples on the train sometimes like I’m looking at aliens- like their interactions are something I’ve never seen or experienced before. I have forgotten what it feels like to be so intimate with someone that they can be in your personal space comfortably. Such a long time. I legitimately don’t know if it will ever happen for me again. I do love my New York life. I really do. A boyfriend? I guess that would be good. I think I want that.  I still hate Brent so much and I want to throat punch him for treating me the way he has. And my relationship with Craig- lord, that was a mess. I felt like I was going to die of a broken heart. 

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