The floor

I often take to the floor. It is my safe space. I can fall no futher. Few would understand the rationale for how that makes me feel. 

Through the anxiety, depression, self loathing and hatred i can impart on myself, one thing is true and thats my ability to ground myself to the floor. Looking back 17yrs, i used to close myself under my desk in my room to write and just be alone. I was an only child. Alone time wasnt the problem. Shutting myself off and hiding myself away was key. 

I’m currently sitting on my kids floor. Settling them now grounds me. It gives me time to breathe when I can to be nowhere else. Its difficult to explain. This is as much for me as it is for them. Maybe a habit I’ve given to them because I needed it. Post natal depression wasn’t kind. 3 years on and still… 

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