My heart won’t stop racing. I didn’t feel this strongly before. What has changed? How I love thee, let me count the ways.
It’s that feeling that gives you goosebumps just thinking about him. It’s that thought that somebody thinks you are so attractive and perfect, even though you don’t believe it yourself, but it gives you the confidence to be comfortable with yourself. It’s when you hug him and you never want to let go even though it’s time to go. It’s that idea that you’re his and he is all yours. There’s no doubt in your mind that everything is where it should be. You know that he is in love with you at least the same unmeasurable amount you’re in love with him.
None of the obstacles matter.
The clingy best friend doesn’t bother you as much anymore. The age difference you used to think about in the beginning, fearing you’d be judged by others, is not even a problem anymore. You rub his shoulder in public. You hold him on the blanket in the park in front of a hundred people. You hold his hand because you love him, but also because you both enjoy making old people passing by uncomfortable. You both laugh at the same things and you no longer feel the need to be a more restrained version of yourself. You say what you mean. You say how you feel. You laugh how you would. You sing in front of him even if you’re off-key.
You trust him so much. You never thought you could be in love again. You tried to stop yourself from falling in deep because you thought he would back off once the infatuation period wore off. But he’s still with you. He says “I love you” multiple times a day, whether it’s in a text or in person. You are so overcome by emotion, as if your hormones went into overdrive. You can’t understand why you’re brain can’t calm down. You don’t understand why your heart keeps beating a million miles a minute even when he’s not with you. It’s not the energy drink either.
The very thought of him forces your smile to come out, uncontrollably. You would rather skip your responsibilities just to spend an hour with him. However, you want money to pamper him, so you deal with it and work. You want to take him out to dinner every night. You want to buy him any object for sale that even makes you think slightly of him or that he might like it. You give away things that once brought you joy because you’ve finally filled that void. The objects no longer hold the same value as they once did. You’d rather sell them to get more money to take care of him. He’s your boyfriend, you want the best for him. You’d do anything for him.
You occasionally imagine him pleasuring you in the best way possible. You’re laying in your bed on your back as he holds your legs up and fucks you with such passion that it leads to the most powerful orgasm, as he releases it inside of you. Just the thought of this makes you immediately erect. You no longer need to look at porn to pleasure yourself. You can just think of him, use your hand and cum in 60 seconds. You don’t even really need to masturbate anymore, because you look forward to the next time you’ll see him and feel his touch. You might even feel his mouth. You’ll use your mouth too and not waste one drop of his fiery passion. You can tell he doesn’t like the taste when he does the same to you, so you don’t push it at all.
But the sexual situations aren’t even the focus. You’ve read in a book about astrology that Leos can survive on just mutual masturbation and you know it’s a fact. Just the thought of sex is exciting, but you don’t expect it anytime soon. And you don’t even care that you might have to wait forever. You know he’s new to everything, but he’s so amazing because he’s true to himself. You’ve met his mom. You’ll eventually meet his dad. You’ve met so many of his friends and they’ve accepted you into their group. It’s not like before. He wasn’t afraid to introduce you to his best friend. You don’t have to pick him up when his dad isn’t home to go on a vacation. You never have to worry about him saying that you can’t be in a relationship. You don’t have to break down and feel so hurt that you sit in your car crying on the phone with your best friend. He’s not like that. He’s ready and willing to include you in every aspect of his life. It’s an entirely new experience. You’re planning that vacation. You don’t even care what you’re gonna do. Just knowing you’ll spend time with him and have his nearly undivided attention is good enough.
You can accept any possible “flaw” he allegedly has, even though he doesn’t in your eyes at all. He’s perfect. You have so much in common that it’s almost shocking every time you come across another similarity. You’re both weird and don’t give a fuck. You think you may have met your soul mate, but you don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket like you did before.
That previous guy disappointed you many times, but yet you feel sorry. Why do you feel sorry that you don’t want to take him up on meeting? You almost feel obligated to go along with his plan of meeting his boyfriend and him meeting yours because of the good things he did for you. “We didn’t end on bad terms,” he told you time and time again. But it did end on bad terms. He wouldn’t even see you when he came into town because he didn’t want to tell his best friend he’s gay. How fucked up was that? Fuck him. Fuck his “Fashion Institute of Technology” boyfriend. You’ve moved on. He’s got a boyfriend, but yet he’s still trying to see you. He’s obviously hung up on you and/or jealous that you’ve got an amazing boyfriend that you can share with the world and he wants to share you with the world. You’re so in love that you can’t breathe, but every time he texts you…or snaps you…or you see him…he gives you air to make sure you keep breathing.