As I sit here writing this countless thoughts are flooding my head simultaneously,these thoughts range from med school admissions to what my next car will be. Its hard to lie in this case, I wont lie, the future terrifies me, I don’t know where i’m going to end up. The way things are going in school right now its hard to tell if i’m ever going to make my dream of becoming a neurosurgeon a reality. Just the thought of me staying with my parents and marrying some skank they pick out for me because I didn’t make it as a doctor is really fucking terrifying. Sitting here I wonder if others are or have ever had these same worries and doubts, but how did this happen? How did I fall so low? I wish knew so that I could fix this shit of a life ASAP. No one wants to live with the thought of what could have been,its the worst feeling in the world imagining how your life would be if only you put in some more work. This is the current dilemma that I struggle with everyday while success slowly walks away while i’m absorbed in my own self loathing. With all this pressure on myself and my fellow students its easy to see why people take their own lives. This shit is unimaginable,grad schools expect us to be super robots, do well in school,have a great MCAT,do lots of volunteer work and yet so many people are told no every year when applying. Just living through all of these science courses should be reason enough to be accepted in med school the patience,mental fortitude,and perseverance that all pre med students have after graduating is enough seriousness you need in a lifetime to make sure they are properly equipped to attend med school. More than anything though I hate myself for not putting in more effort and overcoming my lazy habits,if only I can apply myself I know that all of these classes would crumble under my intellect, however my lazy side always gets the last laugh triumphing at the very last moment taking full advantage of my weaknesses.