Day 19 of Sobriety

     This Morning I woke up feeling like I have had slept for 10 hrs. I was refreshed and I felt great! I only slept 7 hours. I learned from reading that although at times that I’d get drunk and “pass out” that my body wasn’t getting normal rest! 

     I was up at 6:30 am ready to go and I think the town of Bath was asleep still! They told me in my meetings that I’d be going through a lot of positive changes! They said that the first couple of months would be an adjustment period! They said it would take a couple of months to readjust to being happy again. 

    Although I do feel great, they are right! I’m not accustomed to waking up happy each day or going throughout the day being so happy. I definitely have to readjust Because I sort of feel like a crazy person. It’s just not normal to me yet to feel so happy! It’s confusing and at times makes me feel abnormal and anxious. It’s hard to explain. I feel like I have been given a new part of a brain or something. 

     Before band rehearsal I was waiting on my buddy and visiting with His wife. I heard the Boys on the porch over at LLS’s. It was like a miracle from God just to hear their voices. I’m not sure that anyone realizes how much that I Love those two boys. It’s somewhat heartbreaking. 

    I didn’t hug them, play games with them, read them bedtime stories, buy clothes, gifts, cook for them or do for them like I did simply for something to do. I did all of those things because I love them so much. So, it does bother me when it seems like LLS or anybody else doesn’t seem to understand how much that I love them & how much it hurts me to see them. It’s tough. It makes me feel like I was under appreciated….but then again I have to accept that my actions while drinking put me in a bad light. 

     I’m hopeful that with time and patience that people will see the changes that I’m making and get the opportunity to see me in a better light. Because I’m not who I ever was while drinking. I’m a great person. 

     Anyway, the boys were on the porch! Next thing I know is #1 sees me and starts waving. Then #2 sees me and He starts waving. I thought #1 was going to run out to see me! I hate how fast a couple of cars drive through there so I ran over to make sure that He didn’t. 

     I asked LLS if the Boys could come out. She answered and was pretty decent. I have to give Her credit for that. It was nice! She stated that The Boy’s had things to finish inside before they could come out. I’m assuming cleaning their room. Then they went back inside. 

     Unfortunately I had to leave soon, so I didn’t get the opportunity to see Them, but I was thankful that LLS was decent. That meant a lot. It was like a small reward for working at and staying committed to my health. 

     Good band practice, but I wish that I wouldn’t have had to leave. I keep thinking that I let the Boys down by leaving. They might have come out and I wasn’t there. I don’t want to disappoint anyone – especially them. 

     I disappointed enough people while I was drinking! I don’t want to disappoint people while I’m sober! 

     I just have to keep going! One day at a time and I have to be patient. 

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