Why I love my fucked up mental health

My dance with depression and anxiety began when I was a freshman in college. Now, a rising senior, I’ve been on-and-off medication for about a year.

There were times when every fiber of my being wanted to leave my body. I had no appreciation for myself. I thought I was useless and a waste of energy. I couldn’t understand why anyone would love me because I didn’t care about myself.

This summer, I started taking my medication again and have been for about two months. I have taken my first steps on my journey to self-love and have truly begun to recognize the worth of my life.
While I’m on my medication, I feel like a different person. The gloom and doom of my everyday routine slowly begins to fade and I start believing that I am worth the space I fill.

Obviously, it’s great to not hate myself. But here’s the thing:

My depression is me. My anxiety is me. They are huge parts of who I am and I am not ashamed of that. If I want to love myself, then I need to love my depression and my anxiety. My battle with mental health has made me strong and compassionate and empathetic. I have learned to see value in the smallest of moments, I care deeply for all people in my life, and I spread kindness whenever possible. That is who I am because of my depression and anxiety and that person deserves love.

3 thoughts on “Why I love my fucked up mental health”

  1. I’m there with you in the depression and anxiety.. but I haven’t found any medicine that makes me feel any better. I’m glad you are feeling better!

  2. It’s nice to finally find a way of living. I have BPD, Anxiety Disorder, and OCD. Life can be rough when you feel as if there is no control but yearn for it so much. It is a start to a great self discovery. Good luck

  3. Thank you both for your well-wishes.

    I’m lucky that the medication I was put on works for me, but I still battle with the guilt that comes with needing medication to function like a “normal” person.
    It’s scary thinking that one day all of the negative emotions I have could come flooding back so easily.
    We just have to keep living, one day at a time.

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