Life says, in order to be happy you abide by the golden rule. Meet someone, get married, buy a home with a white picket fence, and have children. Throw in some family pets and all will be right in the world! If im lucky, I will die old and peaceful in my sleep. The total dream package. I have been in nothing but long term relationships…I’m talking 9 years, 10 years, and 3 years. A little dating in between (we will get to that later). I was engaged young and called it off for the right reasons. Drugs. Whew…I actually used my brain on that one. Then I met my ex-husband, a really great guy, but we just weren’t happy together anymore. We did the whole long term relationship, long engagement (paid it off in full first), and got married by the Catholic church. Total $35,000 dollar wedding and bought a house less than two years later. We actually did the family pets first, and never had children in the end. My pets were my babies, and I loved them with everything I had! In the end, we had a total of five pets (3 dogs and 2 cats). I’ll never forget my ex hubby’s words as we sat in the living room, “V, in order to make you happy makes me unhappy, and for me to be happy definitely makes you unhappy. We will just never be happy together again.” I watched him. Waiting for him to finish his speech, and let the breath I was holding out. I felt RELIEVED. We stopped loving each other a long time ago, and just settling day by day. He was working far during the week, so his company paid for his hotel. We argued when he came home, and I found my self wishing he wouldn’t come back. I didn’t want to hate him. We had no kids and no ties. We shouldn’t be forced to live like we do! He moved out and took my oldest pit baby and it broke my heart (because of the dog). I spent the year living in that house. I didn’t date, but joined online chats, and gained friends and some frisky play. Few crushes here and there. REALLY, how much can you get from a ‘make believe everything in the world was right’ online life. I didn’t know what I wanted. My home was going to be gone and didn’t even know about my animals. Still, I cruised it not thinking about anything. My ex came by sometimes, and I got doggy visits, but he would still hit on me here and there. I just wasn’t feeling it. Towards the end of the year it was all starting to enclose on me. Somehow I kept hearing or seeing “Colorado” and it just bugged the shit out of me. I ended up renting a car with my sister and a friend. We drove through different states and ended up in Colorado. As I sat in the backseat watching the mountains fly by….I got the idea that I’m moving there and it totally changed my life.
I don't know what to say, but I write here, to help me build a change. Maybe, putting out my thoughts and feelings will help me with my life struggles. I've never been weak, but these last few years have had some major ups and downs! I can't blame anyone but myself, and I can't keep feeling sorry for the things I can't change....so here's my thoughts!