I never was religious. I admire faith, but I will always lack the required kind of sincerity to believe myself. When there’s no one to turn to and something in my world seems to be ready to fall apart, I ask myself: could it be that He is truly watching us all? Someone I will never see. But I am not capable of fully believing.
Today I ask myself again. I wish there was someone to guide me. I broke an innocent person and I don’t know how long it will take for him to heal. He is alive, he is able to talk to me, but I know what he feels, and I wish I never existed to bring such a pain. After all I have done he is still so kind. I wish he just threw me away, because I do not deserve more, while he does. But instead of “go away” I hear “I’ll never say I’ll leave you or leave me”, “you are not alone, I am with you”. This is my sour lesson to learn. I guess forgiveness is also the worst punishment.
I don’t know what to do. I am just sad and heartbroken.