I have finally learned that I cannot change your mind. I cannot change what happened and I cannot change your feelings. I cannot change the pain you brought me anymore than I can change the pain I brought upon you. though, I can change how I handle these situations and the situations that lie ahead. I want to stop being so depressed. I want to be positive. so today… I resolve to stop bothering you. I have decided to let you be and give you the space you originally wanted from me.
before I go
I want you to know that I would have been the man of your dreams. I would kiss you in public just to show you off, give you mind-blowing kisses; I’d tell you I love you endless and ease the stress of a long day of work. I would have given you my entire heart. I would have loved you with everything that I have in me; made you forget you were ever hurt. I would have showed you how colorful the world around could be.
I want you to know that I would have made you the happiest you have ever been in your life for as long as I live. I would never make you cry or hurt you in anyway. I would always tell you I love you even at the worst of times because nothing we do, not even all the stupid fights, would make me love you less. I would have been there for you when you feel like the whole world is on your shoulders; I would bear the weight with you and share your burden. never in my wildest dreams would you feel alone when you are with me.
I would have been the father our children adored. I would have loved them unconditionally, with all of my being. they could have talked to me about anything and everything and I would gladly listen with an openheart. I would have been the father you always wanted because you never wanted your children to grow up like you did. I would have made you the proudest mother to have children as great as ours.
I would have been the man your mother wanted as a son-in-law. I would have loved to gossip and laugh with your mother, listening to stories of you as a child from hell when you were younger. I would have loved to talk to those closest to you and discuss their ambitions and be the person they always hoped you would find.
I would have been your biggest cheerleader because I have all the faith in the world in you. I know you are destined for greatness. all the dreams that you thought were once unattainable, I would have been the one to remind you that you’re an idiot for thinking that and you are perfectly capable of achieving whatever you set your mind to. I would have been the one to push you and pick you up when you feel like all you have done would never be enough to get what you want. you could have had me as your biggest supporter, always ready to cheer you on and tell you how proud I am of all that you know.
the thing is
I would have been the man beyond your greatest imagination. I could have been your entire world. I would have stayed just like I promised you I would. I would have been the missing piece you needed to make your life just a little big more bearable. I would have been the hand you wanted to hold on to when you thought you could not take the pain any longer. I would have made you feel whole again. I would have been the guy to make you believe that love is real and that I will stay for as long as you needed me to stay.
however, you cannot see that I am the one to stay. you could not see that I could have given you the love you always wanted but never received. you are blinded but the anger and resentment that you keep in your heart.
so I have no choice but to walk away. not because I despise you for not wanting my heart, but because I know that in time, you will see that all I ever wanted was to shower you with the love you deserved. I believe that in time, you will know that love still exists, and when that day comes, I will be here waiting to hug you and say, “I will stay and I will never go for I have never stopped loving you- not even for a moment.”