My confusing love story

I met you almost 4 years ago and little did I know what was coming in my way. We started talking and became friends for a few months. Then, one day I couldn’t resist anymore and I kissed you. At that time I still had no idea that I would fall for you the way I did. I was so hung up on other guy that I dumped you and for nothing, that asshole never gave a fuck about me. Then you came along again and told me you wanted to get back and I had to say yes cause everytime we were together we had so much fun… until I started to have strong feelings and you broke up cause you didn’t wanna hurt me. I was devastated at first but I had to move on. I found someone nice and I was kinda happy, until you started telling me you missed me. I didn’t care because I liked the other guy but then things with him got boring and I ended it. Two months later I was crawling back to you. We were together for 3 months this time and that was when I REALLY fell for you. I don’t know why but you always had a strong effect on me, always made me shake and always gave me stupid butterflies. After those 3 months you broke up again and a few weeks later you were with another girl. I couldn’t stand looking at your face and even stopped hanging out with our friends so I didn’t have to see you. I was completely broken hearted and it took me a long time to get over you. After everything that happened I found a really great guy but I never fell for him. We were together for 10 months but I could never feel the passion between us and I didn’t wanna break up because he was an amazing person and I did want to love him. You started texting me again and at first I didn’t really care, I was even surprised at myself for not wanting you to talk to me. But you never stopped, even made a drunk scene in front of my boyfriend telling me how you liked me and that kind of stuff. I was mad cause that was really uncomfortabe but inside I was kinda happy you still cared and you weren’t giving up after all that time. So one day I break up with my bf but I never told you. To this day I don’t know who did but it really doesn’t matter. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes and fall for you again. It had been 2 years since the last time we were together so I never thought I would. But somehow, without even knowing, I was falling again. God, how I missed the feeling and adrenaline I got around you. At first i thought it was just that, I was missing the feeling I didn’t have with my ex. But as I tried to push you away, you always came back. We kissed. I never thought I’d be able to do that again. But I’m so glad I did. We started kissing goodbye everytime we were together and I didn’t understand if we were together until you said we were. And until you told our friends and kissed me in public, something you wouldn’t do 2 years ago. I was happy I wasn’t your secret anymore. I thought that I was dreaming, finally you were mine again. I thought we were going fine and you asked me for some time to think. Then you said you wanted to be with me and now I’m the one that’s confused. What do I do? What if you hurt me like the other times? It was so hard getting over you and so easy to fall for you again. I’m scared. Do we have a future? Is that even possible for us? I never felt this way about anyone else so I guess that’s not something to waste. But at the sime time, we always argue about the same stuff, we are so different, I don’t even know how you have this impact in my life, but you do. I’m so confused, is this really a good thing for me? For us? 

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