now playing: Syd Matters — To All Of You

Yesterday was the first day of my job. Well, not really the first, they call it “zero day”, but I was so tired in the evening like I did something great already. Didn’t sleep much for the whole night, and it seems I started again to wake in the morning at a certain time — at 6:30-40.

My team seems to be fine, but they look too old and serious. I hoped to have also a bit of fun and chatter, but I’m not sure I’ll manage to do that. I wish they all were like Lavish: he is quite older than me, but I don’t feel it at all. He is just really open and not much serious. Maybe I am mistaken and it’s only the beginning. We’ll see.

Besides this, I met guys on Friday, and it was my first time a girl gave me flowers. Camomiles. Of course, it is a joke, and the case was simpler: one old woman asked us to buy camomiles from her, and as this girl had money, she bought them, but she didn’t know what to do with them so she gave them to me. They are still on my table and look fresh. But it’s not the end… Parents left for grandma, and I forgot the keys! And my phone discharged, and my powerbank discharged. Is that possible, you tell me? Only with me. I asked for the phone from some woman and called the only number I remembered — of my school friend Daisy — and came to her. Of course, parents were angry, they decided to get back and let me in. Moreover, I asked the Stalker to come to me while they are away, but we had a quarrel before because I was late for getting back home, and when he found out about my situation, he was also very discontent. Daisy was laughing, just like I did to her fails, and it was comforting. When I told the Italian… He started double laughing. And it’s so good when people don’t hate you for your being a disaster, but laugh and forgive you.

The Italian and I had tough days. He asked me about his place in my life, but what could I answer? Yes, he is more than any friend to me, but I chose to stay with the Stalker. But it’s also true that if we meet again, I’ll probably not resist and fall in his arms if he says a word. We had a very tough conversation, and I asked, maybe you’ll be better without me at all? He said that he is never going to leave or ask me to leave, and perhaps this is not right, but we both cannot be another way. How do we live without each other after all? Now we are better, we talk. But he is still so sweet at times…

I better go to work.

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