I feel like I’m putting to much pressure on tomorrow.  I feel like I need to go with the intention of a causal meet.  But then I know me,  I know how I can throw walls up to protect myself.  So everything is blurry and I don’t know which is right.  

I want to kneel at his feet,  which alone is odd for me because other than the night I did it with my previous months after he released me it isn’t something I’ve done.  But I have had this need to kneel and tell him “ok so you have me.  I know the things you say,  but there’s only two promises I need from you.  The first that you never lie to me.  I don’t care how shitty the truth is,  never lie to me.  And the second,  don’t promise me the future.  You don’t know what is right around the corner and you don’t know where you might be later.  So don’t make promises you aren’t 100% sure you can keep.  Don’t tell me forever because you can’t promise that.  ” that’s what I want to say.  Whether I will or not is another story.  


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