I hate normal

Today im writing from my phone, so it is probably going to be shorter (and “wronger” hahaha)

I wish I could talk about all the things that are still missing for me to be a better person, but maybe that is why I cant: i didnt find out yet haha



This writing in alternate days is working better than I expected. My problem is still procastinating and anxiety and sleeping. Idk if they are real problems. Only anxiety. The rest I am not sure. Maybe Im just lazy. Should I accept the “lazy me”? This is definetly a good question to ask to my psycologist. I procastinate a lot and I think that is normal. Humans were made to keep their energy to dangerous situation. This is not what I want to be haha. I think it gross. But, it is normal. Nah, I hate normal.

I aways forget to take my pills at night, argh. Today, im drinking tekila instead. Haha. This is definetely me. 

Ok, lets focus

There is this guy I met at the robotics laboratory and he is french and beautiful and soooo nice. I really want to be friend of him. He was nice to me like the people I know are not. I hope he is there tomorrow. Thrusday I have calculus test. Im sooooo dead. I havent studied as I should. And I know that. I know that all of the way. And I didnt change! That is something that scares me and make me upset. 

It is like, I see that I am doing something wrong and then what? I keep doing it anyway. Aaaaargh. I hate it. Idk what to do about it. I wish I could stop taking pills. I wish I could stop making problems in my head and then focus on the real ones. Im sleeppy. I hope kivan is on the lab tomorrow and he is nice still. I hope tomorrow I can do better to my math test. I hope friday comes soon so I can see my bae and eat temaki and have sex. I love bae. Someday I will write a journal only about him. He is so fucking special. And he is so handsome. And I love him so much. And I really hope we can spend our lives together and that it feels as good as it feels now. I have people really really special in my life. I hope I am as special back. 

There is a song about this post and is Human, by Jon Belion. 


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