We had such a fun 4th of July partying in the French Quarter. Great memories!
On a more serious note, Ashton and I have been ‘fighting’ (well maybe not outright ‘fighting’ ) but we’ve certainly been having those moments when you’re butting heads with someone. And its mostly due to his religious beliefs.We had an argument that began with Ashton getting angry about me taking free drinks from guys, but I didn’t really go into a lot of detail about the further issues that tipping point brought up, including ‘the religion issue’. Religion is important to Ashton, and I’ve known that since I first met him, and found out about his religious lifestyle and upbringing. But lately its been a topic of conversation that has me walking on eggshells.
Like I said before, Ashton holds his Christian (I guess now practicing Catholic faith) very seriously, whereas I was raised without religion. I would say I’m an atheist because I simply feel as if labeling yourself atheist isn’t what it was once, once it meant you’re simply not a theist; now it seems to be a subculture usually associated with attacking religion but more than anything attacking and making fun of Christianity. I was not raised to denounce God, or the idea of a God, I was simply raised to be nice to others, respect my parents, and to have empathy. But I wasn’t even aware of what Christmas was, we still celebrated it, but it had a culture emphasis not a religious one. Anyway, I do not belong to any church or religion, so this is a big issue that is now coming up between us. Because Ashton seems to feel like we’re not as ‘connected’ or ‘close’ as we could be because this thing that means a lot to him, his way of life, I’m not any part of that.
He has been asking me for a while to consider attending church with him. And I’ve done so in the past, but out of respect. We’ve been ‘fighting’ about it now. Because I’m kind of hurt that he won’t accept that I don’t have a religious belief, and instead of accepting me as I am (which I accept him) he feels the need to ‘change’ me. I don’t like that feeling. Because as I’ve confessed before, I already have some feelings that sometimes, maybe, I’m not ‘good enough’ for him. I want to be with him, but I’m also considering now what that means.
I’ve talked it over with my bff Stacey, and she gave me some good advice. But then again, she is pretty biased because she loathes Christians and hates religion in general. I guess I can understand where Ashton is coming from.
He’s told me “I want you to be a part of something that is very important to me. I love you and someday I want to marry you in a Church, not in front of a court house”. That set off the butterflies in my stomach. Its been causing a lot of tension , but I can’t avoid the discussion anyway. I love him and I don’t plan on leaving him.