real

well what can I say? it was incredible. I admit he was running late and I thought for the briefest of moments I got played. I spent the hour and a half listening to a book for lit class on audible( yes I already read it just brushing up) and talking to him which really helped. he has this way of calming me. But I had thought he was playing me and I told myself I wasn’t going to wait. but let’s be honest, if I had actually planned on leaving I wouldn’t have taken the room key with me to my car. I saw who I felt was him walking in. I grabbed my drink and headed back in. I made sure to keep my sunglasses on. my eyes give so much away with me and I was on the defensive. well, at least until he pulled my hair and slipped off those glasses and made me look at him. I looked into those eyes and felt…safe. like completely vulnerable and yet completely safe. I knew I was his right then. not that I didn’t know it before but it seemed to solidify all those feelings. we sat down on the couch and I found myself curling into him so easily. I hate to make comparisons because obviously they aren’t anywhere near the same person but it did cross my mind how I never really felt at ease with my previous. I gave. god, did I give. but I never felt safe and at ease. I guess you don’t realize what is missing until it shows up.
my body reacted to him so purely. I wanted him to take me, and he did. I wanted him to explore and find pleasure from any and every part of body he desired. my hips wouldn’t stop moving. I wanted more and more and felt no shame in showing that to him.
I had a little after panic thinking about how I reacted and wondering if it was to much. I was very grateful when he messaged me. he of course calmed my nerves and I haven’t had one moment of doubt since. I am his. it’s that simple.
I won’t get to talk to til hopefully sunday because he has company visiting and normally that would make me feel insecure not getting to talk at all with him. but it doesn’t. I have never felt so secure. I came home and make a nice dinner and took a soak in the tub while it cooked and then worked on my math homework.
all these feelings are so new and so wonderful. I can’t believe all that I missed out on.

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