24. Dark Wonderland

I am exhausted.     Mentally, Physically, and every other sort of type you could be.

 

 

Wednesday was my first day at the new job, low and behold, within my first 40 minutes on the job, I passed out on the line. WOOO, go me…idiot. Honestly, I think its just being super dehydrated from being out side all day the day before the fourth, and all day of the fourth. I’m really not used to that much sun, and really, I’m from OHIO, none of us are used to the heat we have been having. Sun burn doesn’t help the situation either.

                                            All I have drank in two days is water. Now I pee every 30 seconds.

 

School has started full force, it’s a little more then I had expected. I’m embracing it, although I do need to learn to take a breath. Between school, leaving Qdoba to start this knew job, on top of trying to have a social life and “spring cleaning”, I’m constantly going. Having to keep the dogs separate doesn’t help either. Constantly switching them in phases, going out side, walks, eating, sleeping, it makes the already heavy work load of having three dogs, even more difficult. I am only one person. I know I shouldn’t complain, having three dogs was my choice, but it was easier before Dakota got pregnant. Hopefully they can be intermingled again soon.

 

My mother has gone off the deep end, her level of drinking scares even me. Plus her apparently recent drug use only makes matters worse. I have no idea where this woman went, but it seems to be her own wonderland where she thinks she can do who, and what she wants, when she wants. Wonderland has given her this false notion she’s not married, nor does she have a 19 year old child still living under her. It’s sad to even think this, let alone type it, admit it, however, I’m more then convinced I’m going to lose my mother before my Nana. I want to help, to do something, though I don’t have the slightest idea where to even start. My siblings and I are literally watching my mother kill her self, slowly.

 

             Her well being is literally all I can think about.

Bed. I need bed. It’s after midnight and I have a promise to my self to go to sleep before 2 am. As I have been awake by 9 a.m every morning, usually earlier then that. Try getting more then 5 hours of choppy sleep.

night.

 

One thought on “24. Dark Wonderland”

  1. Sounds very painful/chaotic. I wish you all the best and ensure you try and give yourself some breathing space where possible. Terribly sad you’re not receiving the support you need during this time. I can assure you though no life is perfect but clearly something not quite right at home for you….

    best and sincere wishes,
    Woody

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