Day 27 of Sobriety

     6:30am Friday – Day 27!! Almost 30 days and I’m super stoked! I’m not sure what LLS’s plans are for today. I didn’t ask. If I see Her, I see Her. She doesn’t know that I stayed over. It was nice spending time yesterday. 

     It’s odd, but I’m starting to have feeling of indifference towards LOSS but I’ll wait it out and see How it goes. 

     Gonna go for a walk to get my blood pumping. It’s only 6:30am but it looks like good weather. 

     11:22pm I only had two $100 bills on me earlier. I ended up getting $120 of the $150 to LLS. We played tball with The Boy’s! It was a good day. LLS tossed a lot of mixed signals today and I can understand why. She probably doesn’t know how to 100% feel towards me. It didn’t help that Her Mother and Sister stopped by and saw me playing soccer with The Boys. 

      I can only guess that maybe they made Her feel like She was “doing something wrong,” because I was there. She almost immediately went inside with the Boys. That in turn made me feel more indifferent towards LLS. 

     She was great, but it was almost like She was ashamed of them seeing me there. Which sucks, because Obviously I’m not there for any purpose other than to be a good guy and to try to make up for The BS that my drinking created. I mean, I get it from Her perspective but it’s tough on my end. 

     After the rain, I worked on a project for safety. The cars fly through where the Boys ride their bikes. So I made a sign that hopefully She can put up when the Boys are riding their bikes so cars slowed down. It didn’t turn out as nicely as I’d hoped. 

     I got to spend more time with the Boys. I read jokes from the joke Books that I had shipped to the Boys. I love reading to them. Also after t ball Earlier, LLS had to go back inside for something. I did the Hokey Pokey with the kids from a YouTube video. While Laura was cooking dinner for the Boys, She let them stay outside with me. That meant a lot. 

     The boys played with the neighbor kids while I shot the breeze with their parents. Nice people! Theyre actually going to the same event that I’m going to to play guitar at tonight. Tried to get LOSS to go but She had other plans. 

     Had a good time playing guitar. Not my type of music (church music) but it was nice playing. I’m glad that I got to go.

Time to rest…but these feelings of indifference are troubling me. But, I don’t want to make any final decisions while I’m confused. But some parts of me wants to walk away and I don’t know why. I don’t want to…but maybe it’s just rational thinking or maybe it’s because I don’t want for things to be complicated. I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll find my answer tomorrow. 

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