Friday, July 7th, 2017

Today I felt like everything I worked for at the hospital, it is just falling apart and I am drowning in my own desperate’s attempts to live. I feel ridiculized like no one will ever love or understand me, then again these days love is nothing but a joke to most people.

I do not get what people think is love, why do they make such big deal about it, and why do they always complicate things. Those past few days I have been talking to someone, I have known him since the begging of my school year and I never thought I would start to cultivate feelings for him, at least not the way I am. I do not trust many men, not since I was betrayed by those men who were supposed to love and care for me. But lucky for me, he says he is completely in love with another girl and that she is in love with him too, but instead of being with him, she is with another guy. Even with that, he is still waiting for her, in the shadows not allowing himself to be happy unless if is with her.

My mom says she is in love with this guy, and he says he is in love with her too but was he in love with her when he felt me up and rubbed himself against me?

When I was little my mom and my father promised to be at each other side, in health and sickness but when mom was gravely ill, my father cheated on her and left without saying goodbye. Was that love too?

When I was at the hospital for thirteen days, I met a boy and now he is the one who says he is in love with me, although he never met the real me, he just met some fragile victim who tried to kill herself because the past would not let her rest.

I think in today’s days love is being used as an excused to not be alone but not as a feeling anymore, when I came here to the United States and I met my aunt and my uncle, I, who never experienced love, understood a bit of this so mysterious feeling. 

I discovered that love is simple, love is about feeling happy when your spouse compliments your food and asks for more or being there for a hug when the person you love needs it. It is about feeling safe and not about feeling complete, because first for you feel the love you already need to be complete, just then you can choose someone to overflow your life.

Love is about saying “I love you”, every time you say goodbye because you are scared that those will be your last words to your partner. It is about sacrificing yourself to see the other person smile, it is all about showing that you care. 

Love does not have excuses, love is not about waiting and surely love is not about the future.

Love is about now.

 

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