7/8/2017

My dear ever-yelling, ever-door-slamming, ever-complaining, ever-self-indulgent, ever-reckless, ever-disrespecting mother makes me want to slit my wrists. What makes me feel the worst is her self-centred behaviour. It’s her goals and her wishes above anybody else’s. It’s got to be her way. She steals money from my sister and I, she plays music on blast before 7 in the morning, she turns on air conditioning when it’s not even hot, she spends money on unnecessary makeup and clothes, she’s got the most random outbursts of anger or joy. What I can’t take is finally, after 17 years, seeing my father suffer in this marriage. The amount of unreasonable fights she picks with him is getting out of hand. I sometimes wonder what’s on his mind, the get scared of learning the answer. That crushes me to the ground. Lately, mum has been incredibly obnoxious. No one in the family can stand her any longer. Sometimes when we’re fighting, and I tell her to stop shouting at me and telling me the awful things she’s saying about my friends, she gets even angrier, approaches me and seems to be about to hit me. I wish she did. I wish she knocked me on the floor and cracked my skull open. Maybe that would make her snap back to reality and understand what she’s doing. 

One thought on “7/8/2017”

  1. I feel the same way you do, my mom makes me feel like shit and that I don’t deserve anything good in my life. She pays more attention to what the town needs rather than her kids. (she is on the council) my parents are always in fights and even when its her fault she just bickers about it being my dads fault. and I can’t even speak up because of the amount of times she has almost hit me or have gotten very close. I remember the first time was when I was a in 3rd grade and it was because I didn’t understand something in math. because of my experience with her I have self harmed, I usually have been doing it on my thigh tho so no one can see it on my wrist. I am not telling you this so you think it is okay I’m telling you this because I know it was a mistake now and the looks I get from people just crushes me. I have never told anyone I self harmed but I went to the beach with my friends and I was just so done with hiding it and I was just hoping that they wouldn’t notice. they kept staring and I pretended like I didnt notice even though every time I looked in a different direction I could feel their eyes staring at them. please learn form my mistakes and know there are other that you can talk to. self harming is an addiction and I wish I never started because now its even harder to stop.

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