Re-Up by Nelly feat. NAV
There’s currently a mystic current, that circumferences I get back to writing about the negatives that simply refuse to back down…
Honestly, I quit posting here because I was being ignored, and I know I’m worth more than that(my number of online followers will easily cement that). My client roster list, material accolades, and choices exudes such, still, occurrences lately have proverbially backed me into a corner. That’s when things typically go bad for me…so I have to release them , via the page…
Above is a new one. I had to push her away, because she became too toxic, for what I term as productivity, too quick…She really does n’t truly have the look to truly match where both myself what I symbolize, fiscally, artistically, stylistically, and aesthetically are. I guess, the lesson I learned from her was: don’t sell yourself short. In that case, I don’t need to mess with too many, if anybody right now. None of these people currently around me, can match my creativity, inner resolve, and sheer will. Sometimes, you just gotta embrace your lonely. It’s healthy for true inner wealth…
I’ve not wanted to wake up any morning lately. Most days are marked by how many times I truly consider taking my own life. I don’t really consider such a lawful option, but if life is playing games with you, and it’s doing it so innately, that it wants to take you to a place so uncomfortable, that release is the most feasible option. You have to dance with it. I guess at times, the dances dissolve into desolates and deadly. It’s what it is, right?
My parents are growing more irritable, inconsistent, unreasonable, and just uneasy to be around. I’m close to hating going around them. They are progressing just as the dream detailed. They’re truly going over the edge. I’m close to spending more of my free time with a gay couple, just to deflate the familial bullshit. The last time I did such, things became horrific for my family. (I’m covering them, and these dumbf***s don’t even know it.) A guy empowered by their church was fuckin’ my sister, and another one was one his way to my mother. My dad is such tool. He believes that these people in the churches truly care about him. They are slowly designing his demise amid it’s most impressionable and lasting form: death. I feel like I heard life cry out, I was gonna lose my dad. After some of the disrespect, and latent misfortune he’s showered my life with, f*** him.
My mother was n’t so bad today, but you never know when she will explode. Bi-Polar, OCD, Social Anxiety, and Manic Depressive, all rolled up in one. She master-bated in front of me when I was younger. (I don’t think she knew I saw her, but I did.) That image has not escaped me. So as I see her, and my dad do the things they do, I feel very displaced and angry at who ever runs this hellhole. They not only allow this s*** to occur, but they keep raising up new levels of it, as I aspire beyond the bulls*** that keeps currently rising. I secretly believe that if there is a god, he or she hates for us to attain. (That’s how alls this fame and notoriety s*** feels.)
My sister who is on some kind of medication, is now entertaining the likes of random guy online who I’m sure is a pill popper who is no way near true self knowledge. In other words, he’s a joke. I’ve warned her that I don’t have any patience for such bulls*** right now.
Currently, I’m dating around 3-5 women. Honestly, there’s more. They sorta know about each other, and honestly, they except me to be the kinda guy who is in & out with women. I think the fact that I’m secure in it, makes them attracted to me. I have so much going on, that I don’t give a s***.
Again & Gone Away by H.E.R.