I will be the first to admit that I am not an easy person to love. though, it has nothing to do with the type of person I am, but rather this exhausting habit of constantly overthinking every little thing.
it’s the unnecessary apologies that aren’t needed followed by the long texts I need to send but shouldn’t. it’s all the scenarios I come up with in the back of my mind. it’s going from zero to one hundred and not being able to slow down. it is this constant fear of people leaving that inevitably ends up pushing everyone away in the end.
it is endless thinking that someone is mad at me or doesn’t like me, or perhaps feels differently towards me. I torture myself and I am always thinking why. I am always picking myself apart, but on the surface, I try to play it cool.
the meaning of being emotionally exhausted has an entirely new meaning for people like me. getting close to me isn’t “something little,” it completely dictates every part of my being to a point it paralyzes me.
no matter how good something may appear in my life, I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am constantly looking for any sign that any fleeting moment of happiness will be followed by something traumatic. I expect the worst, because let’s be honest, it happens all the time. people who overthink hate how accurate we are at expecting the worst of ever situation.
it is often a curse to be so observant that I am able to notice the slightest change in tone or the way someone texts or even a minor hesitation. I go back and reread what you said thinking of ten different ways it could have been taken.
it is the “what ifs” that haunt every inch of my body. people tell me not to worry but that doesn’t stop the rushing thoughts that act as some plague to my mind.
maybe it is a lack of confidence in myself. maybe it is a lack of confidence in whatever the relationship is, whether friendship or otherwise. this pathetic need for reassurance.
the constant need for someone to tell me it’s okay. that we are okay and to take a deep breath because everything will be fine.
the words can’t be said enough
my advice to you is that in the future…
when you choose to be a part of someone’s life who contantly overthinks, understand the root of their worries ultimately come down to losing you. and yeah it often comes across as bat shit crazy when they send too many texts or calls but if you can understand this isn’t their fault… they are doing their best and they really do love you.
maybe then you would get it
maybe then you can understand
when you choose to be a part of someone’s life who continuously overthinks, understand the importance of unconditional love. because if you can accept this part of them, they will love you so deeply and do anything for you. that unconditional love you show in the moments of breakdown mean more than you may ever know.
everything you say is on constant repeat.
when you choose to be a part of someone’s life who constantly overthinks, listening and communicating is key. listen to every fear they have. listen to how they came up with that conclusion. the paragraph texts will come in full force but those are things they need to say for their own peace of mind. after you listen, be very clear about what you think and where your head is at… honestly that is the most important thing with people who overthink.
over-thinkers will bombard you with questions and even when you’re honest they might doubt you. even when you are good and they have no reason to question anything their mind will make you out to be the enemy. people who overthink are in a constant tug of war between trusting people and trusting themselves.
you are a far greater loss than you may know