Because of the way I dress sometimes, all the colours in my hair, my tattoos and some of the music I listen to everyone always makes comments making it sound like I listen to heavy metal or death metal all the time or something…well I don’t! My family make comments, even Will’s family have made a comment…I DO NOT listen to heavy metal ok? I’m not some scary ass weirdo who listens only to people screaming and shouting about death. Ok I am a weirdo but I’m ok! I know I haven’t written for a while and this is a strange topic to talk about after weeks but it’s in my head because of comments I’ve received lately! Today I am wearing a sleeveless shirts with butterflies on it! A black choker with a silver moon, black leggings and the Evenstar necklace from Lord of the Rings! (Arwen) with sleeveless shirts all my tattoos show I guess, but one of them is the black veil brides logo! “Remember as you learn to try, to be the one you love,” to remind me that I gotta try love myself a bit more. I’m currently listening to Evanescence, the fallen album. Cuz that’s my favourite band! I have seen them three times in concert I love them so much. I love Black Veil brides and have seen them three times also, I met them three years ago and I have the tattoo of their symbol with song lyrics from their song ‘Saviour.’
My other favourite bands are Lacuna Coil, Within Temptation, Delain, My Chemical Romance, Paramore, The Pretty Reckless, Three Days Grace, Halestorm, Entwine, Sirenia, Amy Studt, Epica, UnSun, Apocalyptica, Corinna Fugate, Jack Off Jill, Scarling, Kelly Clarkson, Avril Lavigne, Linkin Park, Metallica, Marilyn Manson, Nightwish, Pink, Nirvana, Rise Against, Red, Sleeping Withi Sirens, Sum 41, Green Day etc none of these are heavy metal. A lot of them are symphonic metal because when I discovered Evanescence I looked to the more gothic side of things and that’s when I discovered Within Temptation and Lacuna Coil and I love them to death! I’ve seen Within Temptation also in Wembley Arena. I also saw The Pretty Reckless when they supported Evanescence back in 2012 I think. I love The Used too and they supported Evanescence the last time I saw them. Anyway I listen to a lot of pop things so I don’t know what people are talking about really.
Harry is doing well, really full of energy and hates me to do anything (eat, drink, go to the toilet, look at my e-mails) but his referral to a dietician was replied with a letter saying he does not need help from a dietician, and they sent me loads of information on healthy eating -_- I know what’s healthy I just can’t get Harry to eat much so his weight gain is not doing very well! Anyway a nursery nurse who is also a health visitor is going to try and help instead and at the moment I’m doing a food chart and I look at it and I am embarrassed 🙁 lol I don’t know. I guess this nurse needs an idea of his eating. She’s coming back to visit Harry in a week or so.
How’s court you may ask? Well the court hearing was on June 26th, three days after my 29th birthday! I am pleased to say our solicitors (my solicitor was changed, I suddenly got an e-mail from someone else saying she was going to take on the case instead, but they didn’t say what happened to my other solicitor) managed to get both families to settle on an agreement 😀 the court didn’t have to make a decision for us. We had to stand before three judges to put forward what we all agreed on and they had to take it away to look at it…but they came back and made an announcement that they agreed with it and made the agreement as a court order to stop the courts being called on again later on. So at the moment on one day for every weekend Harry has six hours with his dad which gives me a lovely amount of time to myself! Last weekend it was on a Saturday so I went to town shopping on my own 🙂 I haven’t been able to do that in over two years, it was lovely having that time to myself to be honest. It’s just one day on a weekend so Harry is with me the rest of the time. This weekend Harry is six hours today which is Sunday, then next week it’ll be Saturday again.
I’m glad Harry has gone for six hours today because yesterday morning I caught my mum sitting outside crying on her own and she wouldn’t tell me what was wrong…then I caught her crying this morning when I was getting Harry ready to see his dad. I’ve been looking after Harry on my own, as mum has been crying all the time. Today she was crying and yelling at dad. She thinks she has cancer again because she’s losing weight and she has been having problems with her stomach. She saw someone privately a couple of days ago and she’s going to have tests. So far they think she has acid reflux but my mum is convinced she has bowel cancer or throat cancer. I think she’s lost weight because she’s changed her diet so her acid reflux isn’t so bad. So she no longer is eating fatty things or cheese and things like that, her diet has become extremely healthy as in food with barely any fat at all so that’s probably why she’s lost weight. I understand her concerns but…why turn against me and dad? She’s isolating herself because she gets so spiteful and irritable that myself and dad get cross and leave her alone. Then she complains no one cares. It’s so unfair! I suggested things she could do like pay to have an MRI scan privately and contact her old cancer nurse whom she still can ring for advice if she’s worried but my mum said she’s on holiday.
My mum and I were planning to go to town today and when I found her crying this morning I said for her to get ready and when we go to town it would take her mind of things. But she told me she didn’t want to go to town as it would make her feel worse as it would remind her that she was losing weight and she’d see she looks too skinny.
***Edit, was trying to make my mum feel better by doing her bmi online and her weight is extremely healthy for her height, her bmi is 22 point something and I did mine and mine is healthy but only 19 point something so her weight is ok at the moment but we argued and said it was me and dad’s fault she’s had cancer as we cause her so much stress. My dad used to tell me when I was 13 it was my fault he had become so mentally ill and now my mum is telling me it’s my fault she has had cancer and why she may have it again now. I hate her so much. I’m going as I feel awful 🙁