Again, I find my self writing two entries in a row. How ever this one is going to begin the digging into why I am the way I am. Slowly….I have to adjust to this idea of opening up, really filing out what’s inside.
Getting my everyday in and outs written down is great. It helps me manage my emotions, which I have never been very good at. The need to get out the 27 years that have made me this way, is growing. So I have decided I’m going to start touching base on deeper things then my daily grind….this may just be about my dogs….but as stories roll out, their unconditional love, and the importance of it, and the over all effect they have on me will make come to light.
As I sit here writing with Dakota, a pure bred red nose pit, sitting with her head on my lap, begging for attention. I have realized, I’m one of those crazy dog people. I love my dogs to an extent that some may think is abnormal. I love my dogs more then I love most humans. It dawned on me as I had those thoughts, there’s a deeper reason why I love my dogs this way. Lola, Tuxedo, and Dakota love me unconditionally, no matter what. The love me for me, and how I treat them, they never judge me, and given the chance, I’m pretty sure they would never leave me. All things that have been done to me on a devastating level by humans. I cant even describe the connection my dogs and I have. It’s definitely something special. No matter if I’m feelings happy, sad, angry, depressed, they just want to be near me, love me. Whether it be family, friends, and professional, I have been torn apart by. I do understand many aspects are because of my choices in life, but that is not anyone’s place to judge me upon them, and excluding professional, how could you lie, betrayed, and abandon someone whom is suppose to be family..or a friend? You don’t… They give me a sense of security, the love, in all forms in real. When your best friend of 10+ years suddenly isn’t your friend anymore, or the woman you spend 8 years with, engaged to, suddenly says she doesn’t love you anymore, or when your family…just isn’t a family any more…they show me family exists, love a live. humans are just a selfish, disconnected species.
Beyond my pups unconditionally love. I have raised them, they have characteristics that are obviously of me. at a minimum of 12 weeks on this earth, I had raised them. Taught them whats right and whats wrong. I can’t say they aren’t each their own dog, because until you have dogs, you never realize how different each one is personality wise. Almost like kids.
They have taught me a tad more patience, how to love, how to teach, how to laugh, keep me on a semi routine. At one point in my life I hated dogs, never thought I would have one. That’s why I got Layla, my cat. But she’s very…independent…and kind of a bitch. I love her but….yeah. Antoinette getting Lola was the best things I got from her. I.Fell.In.Love. Lola acts a lot like her which isn’t….ideal, but it began a love for dogs I never expected I had within me. It opened me up to the amazing creatures they are. Then came Tuxedo, and a year later, Dakota.
And it wont end there.