lacerated

we have been fighting for weeks now, mainly due to the religion issue that kept coming up. I guess Ashton couldn’t move past it because he broke up with me. it was a fight that we kept having, and it became a serious issue when I felt that Ashton should have defended me to his parents over it. But he sided with them and we can’t seem to move past it. 

I do understand why his faith means so much to him. I just wished he could have understood me. I also didnt help the fights when out of spite I would throw his hypocrisy out and call him out on it. like, for example, he would constantly ask me to consider attending mass with him. and I never wanted to do go because it is something I have no experience with and I feel would be a waste of time for me. I felt like its something reserved for true believers, and I dont want to take space. then he would call ME a “hypocrite” because he said that I simply didnt want to go to church because I look down on theistic people (I don’t) yet my family (my mom’s family) is largely practicing Catholics. And it just set my nerves on edge and I decided I wasn’t going to hold back and I said “you’re a hypocrite too because you’re always going on about how you want to be closer to jesus. but then why are you falling asleep inside me every night? doesn’t that go against the teachings of your schitzophrenic jewish carpenter cult leader?” When I said that he said “wow. thats wrong”. And I could see his face get red and nervous. And I KNEW I had fucked up, because I didn’t have to be so mean about it but at the same time I wanted to give him a taste of reality and if he’s going to call ME a  hypocrite I would have to give him a mirror. And this was happening at my aunts house in the pool (we were having a bbq), and after couple of minutes went by and we stat in silence he finally said “Skylar,  I’m in love with you, but I see that we’re not connecting anymore. I love you, but I have to end this.” And he broke up with me. 🙁

I just got up and I left to my room. I didn’t see him off, nothing. That was yesterday. This morning when I tried to text him he didn’t answer me back and so I went to his hotel this morning but he had already checked out. 🙁 he finally texted me back later tonight and he said that he was traveling back home. which means its real, we’re really over. he really broke up with me and left me here. it wasn’t just another fight, like I initially thought. 

 

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