Spice of Life

Having hand written journals that are open to unwanted eyes have always been a big problem of the past.  It’s caused a lot of hardship in my life, even divorce.  Too much spice in life.

That’s the reason I continue this journal here.  I want to let it out, safely with no repercussions.  A journal is healthy to have, as long as the writer is free to express how they feel and not have to worry someone unwanted may read it.

Here everything is anonymous.  I could be in England or New York or Canada or Thailand and the reader would never know.  Perfect because I don’t want my parents to know.

Last week, I traveled with my partner and it started as the worst trip in my life.  Luckily was able to turn it around and it ended on a high.  Literally!  But I am really torn.  I don’t know what to do.  I feel I know what I should do but I can’t do it.  I don’t feel confident at all.  I am losing faith, simple as that.

I did something this early morning.  But I know.  So that’s why I did it back today.  A silent message to hit a nerve.  The flip side of the coin would make a person laugh because it’s kind of rotten.  However totally true.  Why continue to act like I’m the first one?  It’s suppose to make me laugh and be entertaining but instead I’m wondering about repercussions.  Lately it’s been too interesting.

I changed my lifestyle and lost 10 pounds yahoo!

Looking to lose 10 more pounds for a total of 20!  But I’m so damm hungry.  What’s scary is how easy it is to let go make a mistake and pig out.  Instant 2 pound set back if I give in… so far so good but!

My new mission in life is to be positive, be happy.  Keep thinking about what I did this early morning… it’s suppose to make me happy but it didn’t.  If that’s the case I shouldn’t have done it.  Oh well too late!  Let’s sit back and watch fireworks.  Will anything happen?  Let’s make it fun and make a bet.  

—> nothing happens = reward: peace + serenity

—> something is said = reward: i will know it worked

Hey if you think about it this IS something positive and it’s all about how it is “taken” or perceived.  And knowing all the factors it should be perceived in a bad way lolololol.

There I feel better.  Goodnite

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