The Fool

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me a third time apparently it’s still shame on me for being the fool. I predicted this day to come. There is always a storm before the hurricane, but in my case I only have typhoons. I love roller coasters, but this one won’t stop so I can get off. Lies upon lies, and I can’t tell if I am so immune to them that I can’t recognize them anymore or the lies are just getting that good. No, they will never be that good. This time was so close, closer than any other time and yet…FAIL! It’s sad when a grown man has to rummage through a change bag to grab what he can to get another beer. Is it worth throwing everything away? For 5yrs I’ve been holding on “not giving up” in hopes the change and transformation will happen. I guess I should have learned the first 2 mistakes in my life. I can only express so much to my therapist but I get the same results. My psychiatrist doesn’t listen to me. I really have no support from any family member without them making a big joke of what I am saying “poor drama queen, ur so dramatic!”. Maybe I am being dramatic but it’s not my fault, it’s how my BPD can be expressed. I don’t know any other way. I guess what it comes down to is “When life gives you oranges make orange juice, because if life gave me lemons that would mean life hates me!”

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