Confessions of an Anonymous Star (Tokyo Narita by Halsey & Lido)

 

Yellow Raincoat by Justin Bieber

 

For the past few months or so, I have been mumblin’ to myself, “girlfriend help…”. (Such infers, that a female, or these females I intertwine myself, with are of some type of positive force, or useful usage, amid my life.) Still, I talk to so many women, that I’m not really sure who that person, or persons, I’m truly referring to. I’m holistically placated, between the casual sex of random sexually uninhibited women, vs. the populated implanted, elongated seekin’ of a one woman wife or girlfriend. Like everything else in life, they’re all trade offs…Yet, the open acknowledgment of this simplistic trill, is not the hard part, about all this bulls***. 

One seemingly damnin’ issue is that, it’s all goin’ on so f***** slow. Like everything in my life, (except for the women)it’s so slow, that it’s as if, it never even happens, and when it finally does, it does n’t really matter. Therefore, I don’t really enjoy it, like I once perceived I would. It’ll have been so f****** bad, so f***** long, that when things do go good, I anticipate when it will all turn bad. That is the essence of my entire elongated perception of everything I encounter. That part, of all this bulls*** (or the spillin’ of it, is simple…It’s holdin’ on, amid this reality, that’s takin’ me to dark places…). I’m tryin’ to hold on for somethin’, but I’m unsure what it truly is. I feel like I see signs saying stop, but the lonely that elongates my bein’, asserts for anything, to fulfil this enlarged, in depth, empty of my being. 

Maybe that is why my existence seems, at times, so fascinated by certain women. They exude a breakin’ apart of this reality I loathe. I tell myself what to feel, say, and move them through. Without that, I’d likely do, nothing. In heart, I care nothing for them. Except maybe true love(if that really exists) or my daughter. (The only daughter I ever had was aborted before I knew she was alive…I’ve never shared that with anyone.) 

Say It Again by H.E.R. 

I kinda wanna whore myself tonight, but then, I kinda jus don’t feel like expendin’ that energy. I have also realized that being around certain people, makes me feel like being derogatory in those regards. Or perhaps, I’m just amid a period of time, where that part of my life is being hushed. *sigh* That kinda s*** happens to me too. It’s like, now, my level of finances has fluctuated. I have inwardly struggled to figure out why. I guess when you’re buying new Jordans, and driving a Benz, Lexus, and BMW, no one considers that you have anxiety over money…

“All the money in the world, won’t make it, painless…”

Connect by Drake 

 

 

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