MY JOURNEY WITH THE big c

What was supposed to be a short chemo still turned out to be long and I was the FIRST one there.  Like I said before, I feel pretty good right now other than tired, hand cramps all the away to the elbow and extremely tired no energy legs and the eye issues.  When we left I couldn’t lift my leg up onto the curb to step onto the sidewalk to simply take a step.  I had to hold on to the building.   Next week I see the nurse  practitioner since my doc is on vacation.  I am supposed to have my next ct scan scheduled then so those results will be major big time results.  Like is this chemo working, is cancer at least stabilized, reduced or has it grown.  I only have chemo days scheduled through the end of July because they can’t go beyond that until they get ct results to know if I stay on this chemo treatment or start something else..  People keep telling me that I look really good.  Guys, it’s makeup.  I have been reading a lot online since all this has started and I have read from others dealing with this disease that we look  and feel better than those “sisters” who are battling an earlier stage even though we are so so much sicker.  Hard to figure.  I guess people go simply  by how you look so sometimes I simply tell them what they want to hear.  It is often too much effort to go into all the details.  While I am in my current mental frame of mind I have been working on all those financial details that I handle for the household.  The “how to” of things like bills, banking, insurance, etc.  I also want to do a health care directives.  I do not want any life saving interventions.  I watched what my husband  did with his father and I just can’t let that go on.  I do not want anyone sitting there doing a death watch.  I want to alleviate any thoughts of guilt by putting everything in writing.  Spend your  time with me now while I can enjoy it. 

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