Second Thoughts

have you ever had second thoughts
about having second thoughts?
like, you know where you are
and what you have is good
and you shouldn’t be questioning it
but there is something lingering
in the back of your head
that tells you maybe
your second thoughts are unwarranted?
 
and maybe i am not making any sense
but have you ever been in love?
and love is love is love is love
until it’s not. then what is it?
“do you stay until love comes back?”
that right there is the second thought.
the second thought is
“maybe it isn’t love but it is better than nothing
so i might as well stay; lukewarm
is better than freezing even if i crave the heat”
 
or maybe you haven’t been in love,
that’s okay, i can make it simpler.
you’ve been tired right? exhausted
to the bone, knock down, drag out tired
but for some reason you didn’t go to bed
and the next morning you think
“i should have gone to bed earlier”
 
that is the second thought.
 
but then you start back peddling and you think
about all the nightmares you’ve ever had
and how sleep is restless, leaves your body achy
and you tell yourself “i didn’t need to sleep.
i’ve been running like this for so long,
my body has adapted
 
and now the second second thought has
taken over and it is such a dangerous thing
 
*(This poem is about divorce and lying to yourself about love. About staying together for the kids or just because you want to say you have someone. Even if you hate them or yourself..)*

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