Day 504 – Lots of feels

Friday, July 14th 2017

Today was a rollercoaster of emotions.

It started out as I saw so many notifications on my Discord after I woke up. I opened them up and… Pixelmon is being striked down due to copyright. In shock, I signed the petition to keep the mod up. The rest of the day was spent pondering over this, trying to figure out our future as a server, since it will be illegal to run one with Pixelmon and as I am writing, it is now illegal to download and distribute the game. The time pondering slowly bottled up feelings of sadness and anger throughout the day. If I was gonna play Pokemon Sun for once, it’s not gonna be anytime soon.

Anyway, at some point two of my co-workers got into a fight. In my opinion, both of them were wrong. One fixed a supposed error (the guy I worked with last year) from the other (the guy I worked with that morning and the couple of days before), and the second started cursing at him for it. The first guy didn’t need to fix the error, since it wasn’t an error to begin with, but the other didn’t have to cuss him out. Anyway, another thing that made me mad is some people there, as to be expected, are slightly sexist. At some point I heard “Don’t make her work too hard, she’s a woman!” towards my partner. I understand at some moments when “woman” is being mention, it is based off a comparison of strength, which is understandable, because yes, men are physically stronger in general, sure, but when you say I shouldn’t or can’t be working hard and lifting heavy things around, because I’m a woman, then I have a serious problem. I didn’t have time to argue since I was a little taken aback, but next time I’m not holding back. At least I was shown an act of kindness, as I dropped my pay (more of just a receipt) and someone gave it back to me.

After supper, my mom brought me to find a new dress. Of course, we were unsuccessful. I ended up slightly in tears in the car, since I hate shopping for clothes, and a major reason why is insecurities. If I look at myself in the mirror at home, or see my appearance anywhere else, then I think I look completely fine. But when I try on something that clearly doesn’t flatter me, even if I’m just trying it on, I think “Why did you pick this out? Of course it doesn’t look good on you. Now you look like an idiot and the employee working there wants to see you in it.” Also, what is a struggle for many people, is weight becomes major issue while trying on clothes. I’m sure I’m not the only one who plays in their mind again and again when something doesn’t fit them that they’re too fat. That’s why I hate shopping for clothes. Clothes are the only thing that seem to trigger my insecurities other than crying in public, and I know one day or another I’m gonna have to go out and buy new clothes. I just want to order everything online, or have the store completely empty of people except my mom. But I know I can’t have the latter, and the former is too expensive to ship. I didn’t tell my mom these things, nor did I want to. All that she knows is that I hate shopping, and to add, I become moody and feel like the employees at the store think I’m some constantly moody teenager, which I’m not, of course.

Anyway, at home I watched Supernatural, exchanged lovely words of support and love with Knight, and Driver texted me just a little as I was heading to bed.

The server is gonna live on, by the way. Just in private. The launcher for the game is no longer available and updates are no longer as well. If you have it already downloaded, you’re fine though. It’s still a shame though. Why now? After so many years of Pixelmon existing? I don’t get it. I know you need to protect your brand, but this has basically been free advertising. Some of my friends speculate that it’s so they will come out with their own game that collaborates with Minecraft. If that’s the case, I find that disgusting. You’re ruining hard work and effort and shutting down a whole community so that you can take ownership. I hope that doesn’t happen and that if (most likely) everything is taken down, they leave it in peace.

That’s all for today.

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