now playing: Cocteau Twins — Sea, Swallow Me

I was waiting for that day, and it happened. We gathered our team and went to the bar together, to chat and get to know each other better. A great evening that was, and the lad that I thought didn’t like me seems just to be a little asocial and anti-girl oriented. But he is a good one. And the most interesting one among the guys, probably. We’ll see, maybe I’ll try to establish a connection. We could be friends, I suppose.

People are creatures very simple, sometimes naive, just nice, and even if I see that some human instances lack brightness and interesting-ness, I like them just for being nice. For being so different, so ridiculous, so stupid, so boring. Just because they are humans. I’m one of them. And it’s funny how I always choose to like the most closed and asocial guys. It was a great pleasure to spend time with my team, as they all became much closer to me after this. There was one thing that embarrassed me a bit… One dev, frontend team leader, was staring at me all the time. He is married, not less than ten years older than me, and it felt pretty uncomfortable.

Lavish and his sessions of d’n’b are making me closer and closer to the idea of getting into this music directly. I don’t have any equipment, I don’t know how to do this, what it consists of, but maybe one day I’ll have the opportunity to learn. And Lavish is also eager to teach me a bit when I come to Venice.

Today we spent the whole first half of the day with the Stalker, and we had a tough conversation where he told me that I’m too afraid to try anything and that is the reason I cannot reach results in a lot of things. He said I have to do something, create. He is right. But I haven’t found my thing yet, and if I don’t stop being afraid, it will be unlikely to ever happen. Don’t know how to get over it. I wish it was easier.

Italian, I hope you are alright there. I’m thinking of you.

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