OKKK

Just flew back home to Colorado this morning. I’m home. 
Brielle really wanted to travel for the rest of the summer, but I just wanted to go home. 
I picked up the dogs from my uncle’s, they swarmed me , it felt so good to see them again. I missed them a lot, and they’re happy to be home again. They do well at my uncle’s place because he has a gigantic yard property, and as long as all 4 of them aren’t separated they do very well. 

I’m home alone, just the dogs and I. It feels kinda nice being alone though. I don’t have to pretend to be happy or ‘okay’ just to save face in front of people. I can be upset and cry and lament and feel horrible in front of my 4 doggos, so. . . 

I don’t plan on being an emotional mess for long though, because beginning August 1st my rent/lease is officially starting for the house in Berkeley. So that means I can move in as early as the beginning of August, and the fall semester starts in late august. I might as well move in earlier and get to know the city before school starts. I’m not even half as excited about it as I once was. 

I kind of want to cry. 
But what can I do? 
Nothing I can do. I made it easier. I changed my number, I deleted my social media accounts, and I lost all of his messages, contact information, everything. It’s easier than re-reading and listening to his voice mails on repeat. I  hate talking about this to anyone because it makes me feel pathetic. but I guess I can write it down. Now even when I’m tempted to call him , I can’t. 

Fuck it. okkk

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