11:22 Ramblings

It’s 11:22 and I’m still drinking trying to numb all of this

When my brain can only focus on the way that you kiss

I try to go back in my memories and see what I’ve done

Look at the date this started 07.16.14…what have I become

Isn’t this some fucking irony that I’ll start and stop this on the same day

I can’t even go back and read that post because if I do I won’t be okay

I won’t be okay with myself because now you’re the fourth in three years

And every time you ask to move in it just fuels every one of my fears

I’m pretty sure if I looked through this I said everything I’d say about you

That you’re the only one I’d ever want and that I’d swear that it’s true

I just want to get so faded that I can forget we ever met

But then my mind reminds me of how you kiss my neck and make me fucking….

Reality is that I already know, this will easily end up really bad

Or maybe we can make it work, trust each other and be the best we’ve ever had

I don’t know whether I should turn right back around or should I stay

And then it all flashes back to 2016 the 3rd of May

I know if I ended it tonight just what you would probably do

In a week you’d be back sipping champagne with that chick that aint new

And I’d probably go right back to the in between guy because it’s easy

If I get fucked up enough it really doesn’t matter if he does please me

Because you can see all the other love entries I’ve wrote them all 

So I really don’t expect it to be much different, it will probably hurt as bad when I fall

I’m not in the business of loving and loving someone back

With some I can fake it real well, so very well because it’s just an act

I can lie to myself and say that you mean nothing to me 

But if it’s not a lie then why am I sitting here trying my hardest to make this history

The truth is I am probably in love for the first time and I don’t know what to do

It’s easier to push you away then allow me to be completely vulnerable with you

Sometimes I don’t believe that this has actually happened or why it even did

I’ve let myself open up with you in ways that I was sure I forever hid

You make me feel alive, every time I look into your eyes its what I’ve waited for

It scares me to death and I get so scared but I keep coming back for more

I know that we have come to a place where it’s now or never

We have to make a decision to never speak again or stay together…

 

 

 

 

 

 

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