“I just want you to always be alright and happy.”
“I hope you’re okay.”
“I always have good wishes for you.”
Don’t they sound sweet and endearing? They make you feel loved, eh? At first, that is the common impression that we mostly get.
Then, what is wrong? Nothing. It is just that, sometimes those words have other side effects too. You may think I am being awfully, unreasonably negative, but here is the thing:
It is always good to feel loved. Really, we all long for that. However, sometimes we just do not have the heart to tell them otherwise:
No, I’m not always okay.
We do not want to make them feel sad, angry, or even disappointed.
“Why didn’t you tell me about it? Why did you have to go through all of that alone?”
“I thought you were always fine.”
“How could you have let yourself get into that kind of mess? Why didn’t you see it coming?”
Sometimes, they do not even want to know or hear the truth, like…at all. Sometimes, they are just…tired of their own problems. They’d rather drown themselves in complete denial than having to put up with your issues too.
Let’s stop taking that personally. It is not that they love you less or worse – no more. Because if you bluntly ask them, their answer will always be the same: they still do. That has not changed.
They are only human too, just like you. That is the only explanation. They can get fixated in their own problems, their personal needs.
This is why, sometimes you do not feel like you want to share them everything. Sometimes, you feel like you want to stop doing that completely. Shut them out again, no longer letting them in. You are unsure whether they really want to know or care, as long as you always give them what they want:
A sign that you are really okay, not some lip-service and painted smiles. Any vivid proofs that you still (know how to) make them feel happy. Let’s not burden them so much nor disappoint them, shall we?
Yes, the love is still there. You are sure of it. It is just time and change. Perhaps it has always been that way. No sentimentality, because you have to accept the fact that, no matter how much they (claim that they) love you, not all of them are brave and strong enough to look at the cat once it is out of your bag – or the skeletons in your closet.
“It’s okay. I just need you to be honest with me, no matter how bad it is.”