So every now and again I am the one that has an emotional melt down, identity crisis, feeling in two minds about my life my partner is stable in those areas. I am learning to accept that that is a part of life and I need to allow it, and let myself grow in what areas I need to. I am incredibly immature on a perseverance level and easily swayed. I need to not plan my being away from him silently in my mind when things go awry. I need my brain to not lose sight and work it out and stick it out as I know that is what I want when I am in my ‘right’ mind.
My main goal is to try and help my partner in more ways then I am doing. Examples like packing our music gear in the van he does without my help as he finds I am more of a hindrance. This makes me feel worthless and he feels frustrated as his mind can but body can’t. Whereas I am merely suffering with a slow processor. I’m trying to fix it.
I think some lateral thinking is needed and forward planning.
He is an incredibly intolerant and harsh person when it comes to people causing their own problems and complaining (which is mostly fair in some circumstances) but is apathetic with ‘real’ problems not caused by oneself. I have found this more and more difficult with being the scatty, forgetful person I am.. However of late I have started getting better with thinking more – I have noticed it. Not sure he has! Just little things. It is slowly sinking in. No matter how frustrating and upsetting it can get rowing over our differences, I feel I am becoming a human that is more aware- maybe even a better human. I was very serious trying hard adulting to begin with.. but more and more over time I am feeling more prepared for life. I feel like I am being fashioned.. it sounds wrong but all the things that are me are there… the things that cause negative reactions like forgetfulness, not thinking, insecurity.. is slowly lessening. I was wrong to think I couldn’t/shouldn’t change so much of the way I am because that was me. We should all want to change and be better. If the little things we do upset someone else, we should want to actively change. And try hard.