Emotional reck

This is my first post on this but I have to let my feelings out . Feeling unwanted is a suck ass feeling feeling alone is worse . Knowing your alone all all alone is worst of all . To wake up eat sleep and live alone. Mentally alone is worse then physically alone . It’s like your already checked out of this life and just patiently waiting the arrival of the next . It gets depressing. Well I feel alone . I feel the need to beg the nearest soul for the slightest attention. Constantly trying to find my internal happiness… whatever that is . I sit and try to think back on the last time the last last time I was legit happy . I was young and it was raining . My family was broke and we couldn’t afford much so me and my siblings put on our swim clothes and danced in the rain . We all got sick but this day it will always be worth . Never to know that me the youngest at 19 would outlive the oldest … he tells me he doesn’t want me , he tells me more then once yet i can’t hear him . Wanting to be loved so bad you ignore the signs … I’m a good person shit a great person . But finally coming to realize I’ll never completely be everything that someone needs. My birth mom didn’t want me , foster mom didn’t want me . I have no friends . No relationship has worked cause if it did I wouldn’t be doing this entry. But yet I still see good in everybody . Why can nobody see the good in me . I silence my cries because my sniffling wake you. I adjust because I’m scared if you leave I’ll die cause that will me I can’t name one person that never deserted me I can’t name one person that didn’t hurt me . Crazy huh . So emotionally attached or more afraid to be alone I can’t pick . Trying to love you self is more harder then people realize . 

 

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